Round 3 Session 4 - completed

Today is Saturday and I am finally crawling out from under a rather hard and not very comfortable week.  This session feels like it has held the most significant set of side effects and I feel that the impact is lingering longer than I recall happening before.  All of this has been disheartening and to say the least very inconvenient. 

Last Monday morning I went to the blood letter early (7:30 am) to have my blood tests processed before I met with Dr. Jonker at 8:30.  They usually process the majority of the tests within an hour, if requested, so I was on target.  I left the blood letter’s office and found a quiet spot for a Timmy’s breakfast sandwich (you would think I would learn about diet but .... ) and enjoyed it before going to register for my Dr. appt.  On the weekend I had experienced severe stomach cramps throughout the day and I finally narrowed it down to just eating too much in anticipation of the upcoming week when I would have a reduced appetite.  Regardless I ate the Timmy’s breakfast sandwich.

My Dr. Jonker was out sick so I had another of his team talk to me about my last round and to discuss what is coming down the road.  I was intent on making sure he understood that we were going to be on vacation and no scheduled appts of activities were to fall into that time capsule.  He started by analysing the rather mundane side effects from session 3.  They were simply nausea, headache, constipation, diarrhea, general malaise, some anxiety and depression and, of course, the inability to sleep on day one followed by several nights of restless sleeps.  Nothing exceptional to him but he dutifully noted each effect and moved his head in an approving manner.  We then talked about the next session and it took a while before we finalized that for Feb 21 at QCH.  I then asked him if he had the results of the CT scan I had taken the previous week.  Fortunately he had those results and advised me that two different things were noticed with this scan.  First, the liver spots had receded some from the last scan which was a very positive indicator that the current treatment was making a difference.  The second observation was that the lung spots had maintained their size but no new ones were found.  That was an indication that growth has been abated for the time being.  In summary, a good result from a fairly innocuous set of Chemo sessions.  I was happy with this result but I am still hoping for faster reversal of the direction of this cancer.

In the end I was given the go-ahead to take Session 4 on Tuesday morning.  I arrived at my 8:00 am session and started in right away.  The team at the QCH were their usual efficient group and they administered the chemo cocktail with their usual proficiency and provided all clarifications I was seeking.  The session lasted until 11:00 am at which time I set off with my Chemo bottle strapped to my waist to do some small chores in the city. 

I dropped by Tara-Lee and Brehn’s house and enjoyed a nice soup lunch with them.  The visit with smiling Kaia was as uplifting as it could be and it helped me pull up my socks from feeling sorry for myself.  I didn’t stay long as I knew I had some work to do on a proposal for a partner organization in Montreal.  That bit of work took up some of my afternoon and it continued into the evening and the night.  I ended up having a telephone conversation with my business partner at 3:30 am as he was up working and saw that I had sent out some files.  Remember, on night one of any session I do not sleep due to the steroid that is given to me at the start of the session earlier in the day.  So I worked on the proposal.

Wednesday came as part of a long night running into a new day.  I had hoped that I would have a day to just lay low and lick my wounds as I had the taste in my mouth of chemo when one is on the bottle.  I was committed to water consumption and use of ancillary drugs as required as that is the best course of action to minimize side effects.  However, I had a morning appointment with my eye Dr to discuss the results of some baseline testing he has been doing on me over the last two years.  He was his usual cheery self and we chatted about my tests for Glaucoma (pretty standard stuff) and Cataracts.  Freddi had seen him the day before and he had scheduled her for “sizing and fit-up” appointments for cataract surgery in the spring.  Much to my surprise he explained my eyes to me and suggested that I would benefit from cataract surgery in the fall.  Wham – we are replacing the headlights on a very antiquated and sick vehicle!  After some better understanding that this simple operation, although expensive for me, would be a great enhancement that would eliminate some of the problems I am having with my eyes and some aspects that are not problems but would be convenient. (for example: not requiring glasses to see distant things).  I accepted the appointments and left the office a bit surprised in the results.  I picked up some chicken at Swiss Chalet and enjoyed lunch again with Tara-Lee and Brehn.  After a few small chores in the city I returned to Lake Bernard to spend a quiet afternoon.  I managed to read some and to relax before I prepared a proportionately huge dinner for Freddi and myself.  I seem to be losing context of trying to eat less but maintaining the approach of eating fresh and balanced meals.  I was quite tired as I had not slept but sleep did not come easily.  I had been constipated all day and I managed to “break the seal” about mid evening.  You know, sometimes you should just let things alone.  As a result I started a chain of events that had me in reading in the bathroom 5 more times before 1:00 am.  That was not a surprise as diarrhea is a given side effect of the chemicals that I am taking.  Regardless it is not a fun exercise even if it does provide time to continue on the interesting novel I am reading.  In between these bouts I also had time to finish the proposal and submit it to my business partner to conduct the final QA of the documents. 

Thursday is always my favourite day when I am in-session.  That is because my 48 hours of continuous Chemo from the bottle come to an end and I can start to shed the side effects of Chemo.  It always starts with my morning shower that is abbreviated due to the necessity of keeping my “connection” out of the water.  I have developed a routine that allows me to wash myself, as best I can, with a strategically placed towel and the bottle wrapped around my neck.  That way I can both wash and shampoo my hair with little impact on the connection through my port.  It is not attractive, convenient or even something anyone would want to see but I always find it somewhat amusing.  Once ready I drove to the city to meet with the CCAC nurse who removed my connection.  It is a pretty routine appointment and I am out of there with renewed hope that I will once again feel like my old self in about half an hour. 

I dropped into Ikea and a couple of other short stops and waited for word from Ben that the proposal was ready to submit.  Once I received that I stopped running around and completed the submission prior to the deadline.  Since the week had been pretty busy with not much down time I decided to go to Lake Bernard and sit in front of the TV and watch movies.  I was feeling pretty sick and the time resting was very much appreciated.  Note: to self – do that more often!  I prepared dinner for Freddi and me and we crashed early.  Sleep did not come easily.

Friday morning I had some time to myself at the cottage.  It was nice to sit quietly and read and enjoy some easy breakfast.  I managed to self inject my Neuprogen to assist my WBCs in their effort to get back to normal.  That exercise is important as my immune system should be in good shape to travel by airplane in the upcoming week.  At about 10 am I had a visit from an old friend that helped me get through the morning even though I was feeling the pressure of another bout of bathroom visits.  It was a good visit and we caught up on a number of years.  In the early afternoon I went to Ottawa to pick up a repaired ring and I decided to go to the Renovation Show at the EY Centre.  In retrospect I wonder why I am attracted to these shows as they charge a bunch to get in, park and I walk away with little information that will benefit me.  This time I found one gem but the rest of the time was wasted.  I was feeling very sick as I did those activities.  I finally found my way to visit with Tara-Lee as we had arranged to have dinner with them that evening and planned to stay with them overnight attend a family kid birthday party the next day. 

Well today is that next day and I awakened from a fairly good sleep feeling somewhat refreshed but still pretty crappy with lots of nausea and general malaise.  I managed to self inject my Neuprogen just after my morning shower.  I then decided it was probably not a good thing for me to attend a kid’s birthday party feeling how I felt.  I bailed and planned to visit at Luciano’s and pick up some supplies before returning to the Lake.  I had a couple of bouts in the washroom in the early morning.  I did take some Imodium and expected all to be well until at least later today.   Not so ......

About half way to the cottage I started to feel some pressure that only intensified as I drove through the countryside.  (I am taking the time to describe this as it was one of the most horrific experiences for me and I do not want to let this one fritter away like most routine sufferings with this program.)  As the pressure grew I figured we were about 25 km from the cottage.  I estimated that I could make it as I could relax enough to keep things where they should be.  As the pressure grew my toes curled tighter in my boots and my external voice started with soothing words and prayers that gave me encouragement to maintain my dignity and avoid an awful clean-up.  I started to feel flushed and I felt sweat starting on my brow.  That scared me even more as I was still only at Wakefield and about 15 minutes out.  My thoughts went to what I would say to the police when they stopped me for speeding down the highway.  I practiced a speech that took about 20 seconds but I was certain that if I had to stop it would be for naught and experience that humiliation.  As I turned onto the dirt road I noticed that I was almost standing as my legs were straight and cheeks clenched like a bear trap as I navigated the dirt road.  Funny about something like that – the closer you get the more intense the need.  I have noted that several times over the years as I have had to pee while driving to the cottage. I turned into our driveway at breakneck speed and stopped the car in front of the house.  I scrambled and managed to unlock the house, reset the security system, remove my coat and boots and skip around to the bathroom.  By some miracle I was able to get comfortable before I evacuated my entire insides – or so it seemed.  I apologize for the details here but it has been one of the most horrific things I have experienced in many years.  After a period of reading to calm me down I was feeling sufficiently comfortable where I felt I could leave the bathroom.  I did with pleasure and prepared a warm drink and sat down to rest.  I promptly went to sleep.

So that was a few hours ago and I am happy to report that I still feel like shit but far less so than yesterday or even earlier for that matter.  Freddi has called and she is on her way up here and I expect to spend the balance of the day resting and watching old movies with her. 

Note: On January 26^th we are winging our way to Calgary for an overnight before we connect with a flight to Kahalui on Maui the next morning.  We are meeting Mark and Joan in Maui later that same day and we are planning on relaxing on that island for a week.  We will then take an island hop to Kauai to spend a week with them at the Marriott (our home away from home).  It is a time for relaxation, enjoying friends, visiting important sites, beaching, tasting good food and enjoying some good drink including some fruity drinks with umbrellas.  Mark and Joan return to Ottawa on the 10^th of Feb and Freddi and I are staying for another week.  We return on Saturday the 18^th.  I expect to be pretty quiet on this blog during that period.

In the interim, I wish all of you well and I hope that you and yours are making the best of every day.  Life is sometimes tough but it is still worth every day.

Love you and thank you for dropping by............