Turn left and soldier on …..

As mentioned in my last blog entry I had a CT Scan in late October and had a meeting with my Dr scheduled for yesterday.  I was approaching this appointment with the usual apprehension and had a plan if my results were consistent with other results.  That meant that I was looking for an extended period for the next scan and visit.  My hopes of that were quickly dashed as the Dr informed me that my tumour on my liver was dangerously close to my bile ducts and he was concerned about Biliary Dilatation.  Not knowing what that meant he drew a picture of the tumour compressing the bile ducts thus rendering them inoperable.  I know that to be serious as I know someone close to me who is experiencing the repercussions of such a blockage right now.   It is not pretty and it can cause infection that can make your life very miserable and perhaps lead to death.  

With this information I told my Dr that I had to reconsider my “going-in” position and asked him for his advice to help me make the decision that had to be made.  We explored alternate treatments and rejected what Dr Jonker explained.  I guess I really knew this would happen one day as my charted CEA scores were starting to look like a very successful “start-up” when graphed showing and sharp upturn over the last few months.  Fine for a financial result (actually quite desired) but not so when one recognizes that this is a measure of the Cancer activity in my body.  It was very sobering to see and we finally decided that I would re-commence my Chemo program as soon as possible.  Dr Jonker has been advocating this for some time and I was resistant to this as my body really did not show and demonstrate any symptoms.  However, the scan tells the story along with the select blood tests. 

Freddi and I both left the hospital in a state of shock and disappointment.  I have been trying to normalize my thinking since then and that has caused me to feel nauseous and quite concerned about the short term as we turn left and soldier on.  Deep down I knew it would happen one day but I was certain it would not be yesterday as I have been feeling very well and have returned to a more balanced physical and mental approach after dropping the CBD and some other attempts to preserve this body.

As it stands right now I am due for Cataract surgery on the 22^nd and a return to QCH for Chemo on Nov 27^th followed by few more sessions every two weeks.  Needless to say I am not looking forward to this as I recall from spring 2017 that my body did not do well under the attack of Chemotherapy.  But the alternative is equally scary and not something that I am ready for right now.  It is my hope that the Chemo will stabilize the growth in both my liver and lungs and allow me to continue to enjoy different parts of my life.  I will keep you informed as I usually am more productive with my blog and my thoughts when I am forced to slow down and rest more.  I have to admit that I have not been doing that very well over the last 15 months of no Chemo.

So there you have it.  Life goes on in a different mode and I am trying to be strong about facing this new challenge.  Thank you for dropping in and feel free to comment or send me your individual questions and I will try to answer them.

Be well and feel the love…..

Of Drugs and Other things

Today is a dull wet late fall day that easily takes one from a sunny disposition to a somewhat subdued and protected place where one feels less than open. It is funny how the weather affects you like that.  As noted I my last blog entry, of late I have noticed a significant change in my perspective on many things leaving me uncomfortable with my approach and situation right now.  In my quest to “figure this out” I have decided to address the negative thoughts, anger, mood shifts and other objectionable behaviours by looking at the bevy of drugs that I have been ingesting either by prescription or by suggestions made by caring individuals.

The question is “How does one do such a thing?”. My approach is to drop the drugs that I do not fully understand the need for the drug.  I have continued to take my standard vitamins, (C, fish oils, D, antihistamines) but have cut out my CBD, mushrooms, berry seed concentrate in order to regulate my body without these things.  In particular, I consulted the Cannabis Dr and explained my reactions and a noted personality change to her and she was somewhat surprised as it seemed a little too drastic for such a simple and light dose.  Regardless, we agreed that a time-out would be of benefit and then a re-start with a different “mix” of cannabis products.  So I spent some time with the ladies who sell such things at the Assessment Centre and we agreed to establish an account with a new supplier and look at a different blend/mix for when I decide I should start again.  Although by medical oncologist could not recommend such treatment for Cancer he did agree to address the pains of arthritis with CBD.  However, I am interested in what it might do to the active Cancer cells in my body.  There are no recognized trials, treatments or suggested approaches for CBD and Cancer based on the mere fact that it was illegal in Canada.  Recently, of course, it became legal to buy Cannabis product in Canada and as a result there may be some studies that are sanctioned by medical professionals in our future.  In the interim I am looking at this and hoping to see something change in my CT Scans that would justify keeping this as a treatment approach.  Tomorrow I will have a new CT Scan to see the effects of the last three months.  I have been on CBD Oil (ingested) for the entire period since my last scan.  It was over that period that my personality and outlook took a negative turn so I do know something has changed.  I will get the results in mid-November and will assess the impact at that time.  It is my hope that something has changed and that CBD made a difference (other than becoming a bitter old man).  However, I am not counting on it and am preparing to continue with CBD with a new formula.  I am also hoping that the effects of CBD Oil will be less drastic and perhaps even be positive effects this time around.

As for the other things I have stopped, I will assess each impact separately and address each drug on its own merit.

The above paragraphs were originally written in late October.  I will follow-up this entry after my Dr appointment this afternoon.  Until then, thank you for taking the time to read this and as always I am available to respond to your questions at your leisure.   Be well ……