Round 5 Sessions 7 through 11

 I seem to have lost my way.  This is probably most apparent by the fact that I have not addressed this blog since Aug 2.   That is 15 weeks and not an entry into this blog.  I am trying to understand why that would be as this blog provides me with a platform to stay current, organize my thinking, vet some thoughts, report to interested folks about my medical situation, speak of the good things that have happened and to bitch about some of the craziness in the world, North America, America, Canada, Ontario and of course Ottawa.  Most of those subjects reflect differing political beliefs and understanding and these allow me to comment or not on the news of the world.  Yet I have gone 15 weeks without a drop of input.  I must say there were several times I noted to myself that I should update the blog but that never happened.  I need to understand my reticence to address the blog.

During this period, I have noticed a distinct decline in my attitude, interests, and energy.  I wake each day and start my day with the usual routine getting ready to face the day by taking a hot shower, shaving (from time to time), taking my assorted handful of drugs that hopefully keep me in balance for the day, dress, grab my book and head downstairs.  That routine has not been interrupted or changed at all.  My next steps involve clearing any kitchen items that are not put away, emptying the dish washer, walking the dog, and preparing a hot chocolate to accompany my short time to read in the morning.  So far so good, but this is where my day starts to blur into a mass of short term “ToDos” and spending time on social media to try to keep in touch with people I am no longer allowed to see, hug, smile and chat with.  Although there are important and fun projects sitting there waiting to be started and completed, I am not interested in addressing them.  This is a change in me.  I normally have purpose and tend to address the important projects first and then address the fun one.  At this moment, although there are “important” things to do I am just not interested and therefore these projects get put on the back burner until they become critical.  For example, each fall season gives us several winterizing tasks that must get done.  Disconnect the water in areas of the cottage that are not used in winter, disengage the sewage system from the lower cottage, move furniture to covered areas for the winter, put away the kayaks and paddle boards, winterize the pontoon boat and store it, winterize and store the tin boat, pull the docks and set them up for winter freeze up, rake tons of leaves, clean flower beds, arrange for firewood for the winter, service the snow blower for its duty during the winter, arrange for snow tires for the cars and the list goes on.  As of today, most of those things have been done and normally I can attest to their completion as I participated in most of those tasks.  Not so this year.  Freddi and the kids have done many of those tasks quietly and efficiently.  I did some of the tasks but lacked my usual verve and enjoyment of getting these things done.  The docks are still in place and we have had our first snow.  There is no ice in the lake yet so there still is time to get that task completed.  I can no longer blame my work schedule for not getting to these tasks as I have been on Voluntary Layoff with WestJet since March.  My participation in our boat business was not affected as I am aware of the time constraints to get this complete and I managed to get out there and get the job done with Bruce.  Our consulting business also requires time and I have managed to stay on top of the activities required to keep the business moving.  But my personal life activities have taken the hit at this time.  I am trying to understand what is going on and my conclusion is that a big part of my life has been the energy, excitement and rewards of interacting with people in business, personal interactions, friendly exchanges and just plain sharing and caring about my friends, colleagues and associates.  That part of my life has been missing since our initial lockdown around COVID.  I know I am not alone but the gas for my spirit has been cut off.  Knowing this is certainly the first step to fixing the problem but I still lack the energy to be positive and directed as I was some 8 months ago.  So, the summary is that I am not doing well coping with the loss of my wonderfully full network of good people and I have not found a solution to the problem at hand.  I certainly think about it often and deeply but to no resolve at this point.   This is a work in progress but you may read some thoughts that are not as positive as I have been or not as sensitive as they once were as I am in “that” place and I know I must get out of there.

Now that I have that off my chest, I can focus on some of the things that might be of interest to you.  I appreciate the fact that you take the time to read some of this blog and therefore I feel obliged to give you some news, thoughts and perhaps inspiration.

As noted above, I have had several Chemo sessions since I last wrote here.  Session 6 went ahead on August 2 as planned right after my last blog entry.  The most significant thing about that session was saying goodbye to one of my Cancer Treatment Centre nurses as she set out on an adventure in Italy for 2 years.  Her husband is in the military and he was posted for early spring in Naples Italy.  Due to COVID their departure was delayed from April to August.  They did get cleared to leave and the last time I saw her was during session 6.  We have worked together several time over the years and I will miss her energy, caring spirit, and efficiency in her work.  Otherwise the session went as planned.  Each session comes with one week of inconsistent physical and mental wellbeing.  The chemo brings along some side effects that are undesirable and quite depressing as one takes several days to ride out the effects.  Fatigue, sleeplessness, cramps, diarrhea, constipation, lack of appetite or interest in food, head aches and bouts of discomfort due to my neuropathy from previous Chemo sessions.  These taper away on the second week and the third week is my period of feeling my best during the 3-week cycle.  None of this is new to those who have read my blog entries of the past.  I reiterate them only to update you of how my sessions play out.  Sessions 7 through 11 fell into the 3-week cycle and took place on Aug 25, Sept 15, Oct 6, Oct 27 and most recently Nov 17.  Each one of the sessions enjoyed its own activities at the Cancer Centre, disruptions causing physical reactions and eventually ended with a week where I was feeling strong and not impacted by the Chemotherapy.  I did have a telephone meeting with Dr Jonker to catch up with my results of my CT Scan of Sept 30^th.  That scan produced no new information as the results showed no growth of the lesions and no movement to other organs.  In other words – status quo.

Also, during this period, we helped a number of cottagers by taking their boats, winterizing them, shrink wrapping and storing of their boats for the winter.  Bruce and I worked hard for 6 weeks from mid Sept through Oct.  By Nov 1 we were finished with the boats and we completed some planning and organizing for the spring.  The fall season went as planned in this area.  We completed 32 boats as we brought on some new clients for this season.

Other than that activity, we were mostly in isolation at Lake Bernard.  Our routines were pretty simple as we could not really visit with friends and visiting cottagers due to COVID. However, we spent most of the summer in the company of Tara-Lee and Brehn and their kids.  They were in our bubble from the beginning and we were careful when Brehn had to go to work.  That summer was a fun time as we had many outdoor activities and the kids played like kids do.  The only issue was explaining social distancing to kids over and over as they were seeking friendship and companionship with their friends.  It was sometimes difficult and certainly weird for the little ones to understand the whole situation.

Freddi was approached by an organization to help by liaising with their Marketing and Sales groups and linking in with their clients.  Nautical  Lands Group hold a number of properties that are developed for apartment living of +55 folks in building clusters that have a number of common support facilities (gym, bar, restaurant, hair salon, etc) and they are currently located around south and central Ontario.  This is a full-time commitment in an office, and she is enjoying the challenge of learning new business objectives, non-retail work, new software tools, and learning about the wants and needs of +55 cohort.   Her retirement lasted a good 7 months but she seems to be much happier doing constructive work.   I understand that.

Now I am going to take my leave as I have much to think about.  I also have meal planning and the usual cooking chores that come up every day.  Some days I am inspired and try new things but on others I fall into the usual rut and produce edible but less interesting dinners.

Thank you for dropping in and please eel free to contact me should you have any questions or thoughts about this content.

Be well and stay safe ……..

Heading into Round 5 Session 6

Today is a rainy Sunday at Lake Bernard.  A good number of the cottagers are taking refuge in their cottages after a remarkably busy and sunny Saturday.  It is the busiest weekend we have seen on the lake this year.  Cottages have been the go-to place for people who were caught at home for the duration of the COVID period.  It is good to see people on the lake and maintaining social distancing practices.

My last update started when I was in my treatment on July 14^th.  The finished update di omit any content on my CT Scan results and other developments on this journey.  I decided a rainy Sunday was a good time to update this blog with that information.

My appointment with Dr Jonker was scheduled for Wed July 15^th at 9:30. The practice today is to meet your DR through a phone conversation for such things as test results.  Dr Jonker was replaced by Dr Moira Rushton to report on my test results.  In summary my CT showed that my Cancer is stable with some shrinkage on my cysts on my liver and stable in my lungs.  No remarkable progress happening in there at all.  She told me she suggests that I continue for the next three months on the same treatment schedule and content and there would be another CT in 3 months My Chart at the TOH now shows my appointments through to October.  During the call I asked about the Trial that Dr Auer was starting with an objective of discovering the success rate of a new drug that will assist Cancer patients with their immune system.  It notes that this will assist Cancer patients ensure they are “ready” for their next treatment and perhaps protect them from such viruses as COVID-19 or whatever the next big thing will be.  Dr Rushkin ensured that my file would reflect my interest and she would do some digging to better acquaint herself with this Trial.  I suggested that I would get in touch with Dr Auer and she agreed that I should do that.

I contacted Dr Auer’s office to inquire about the Trial.  Nancy, her scheduling assistant, was happy to hear from me and asked for some time to see if Dr Auer would like to meet with me on this subject.  The following day Nancy contacted me to tell me that they were looking at a month-end date for a phone discussion with Dr Auer.  Last Friday I received a call from Dr Auer.  We chatted about life in general and it was a conversation that linked back to our time when I was in more frequent contact with her.  She is still my Oncologist of Record but I do not see or chat with often.  She talked about the Trial and the fact that Investigators were Drs from different areas in Canada.  The first Investigator happens to be Dr Jonker and she noted that my file had been updated showing my interest.  It also indicated that I was a good candidate for this Trial as I have missed some treatments due to my WBC count being too low, I was over 55, and I have stage 4 Cancer.  The Trial will be starting in September and she expected that I would be contacted to participate.  Being a participant means that I would have to have a series of blood tests before and after injections on Day 1, day 14 and day 45.  On those days I would be injected and monitored with either the drug or a placebo as they need a control group for the Trial.  Dr Auer was pleased that I was interested, and I enjoyed catching up on her family and her practice.  It was a great call as it was like talking to an old friend.

In other news, I was requested to re-join WestJet after a period of voluntary leave of absence.  They asked if I would be interested in being part of a contingency re-call as they were aware of some resignations at the end of July.  The process they follow is to go to the seniority list and ask the most senior people on the list if they would like to be re-called for work.  Employees have the right to decline and they would remain on the seniority list for future re-calls.  If they do not get the required numbers from the most senior people then they go further down the list until they are successful in obtaining enough people to meet the next month’s requirements based on the released monthly flight schedule.  I spoke with Katy, the Station Manager for YOW, and she outlined that shifts would probably be for 3 hrs a day for 5 days a week totaling 15 hours a week.  I was prepared to accept the re-call but that got vetoed by my family members who, quite rightly, pointed to my immune deficiency.  Although I feel confident that airports are close to hospitals when it comes to rigour and safety precautions there is a likelihood that a passenger may well be a carrier unknowingly.  In the end I declined the re-call and will wait for future recalls and measure my degree of interest at that time.

Tuesday (Aug 4) I will be at the Queensway Carleton Hospital at 8 am.  At that time, I will commence my 3-hour treatment unless my blood tests show my WBC count is too low.  I did my blood on Friday as the blood clinic will be closed on Monday.  So next week is treatment week and things should be quiet for that period.

Other than that I have been on my motorcycle for my first ride of the summer, I managed to get some work done on my long living bathroom project and I managed to get some stain on my barbeque shed.  Not huge achievements but big enough to feel good about heading back to normal when I used to be on my projects daily.  My mental state is stabilizing and perhaps seeking a way back to a more normal life.  I find myself somewhat depressed about where we are in the Cancer process, the WestJet issues of employment as well as where we are heading for future lifestyle changes due to COVID-19.  I have stopped watching the news as I am annoyed at the media and mankind for the actions that are happening around our post-COVID recovery.

On a fun side of things, here is a photo taken by my cousin at the family cottage on the St Lawrence River.  It was taken about 40 years ago.  I am with our son Gray and my nephew Matthew.  When Freddi showed the picture to Kaia she pointed to me and said that it was a picture of Gray.  Genes are a funny thing as Gray does look like I did when I was younger.  

Thank you for dropping in and reading this blog update and should you have questions please drop me a line.  Please be well and safe and focus on the important things in your life.

Round 5 Sessions 4 and 5

Today (July 14) I am at the QCH for session 5 of my Chemo treatments.  I have just started, and it seems like it will be routine with a short Avastin drip followed by an hour and a half of the Irinotecan drip.  This exercise includes other meds such as steroids to encourage the drugs,  atropine for cramping and internal support, and Ondasatron and Emend to help with nausea.  It is a bevvy of drugs which leave me feeling punk, tired and a bit on edge.  I usually leave the hospital after 11 am and I head home to rest.  This is a process that takes about 3 hours all together.  So that is what I am doing with my day today.  The 4th session was executed on June 23rd and I did not really have any significant impacts from that session.  

The last month has slipped by with little recognition of day to day differences.  I seem to easily lose track of time, days and calendar dates.  We have been busy with our own projects, visits with TL and family, some trips to the city for food, beverages, DR appts and Freddi managed a hair appointment to do something with her Covid hair.  I did manage to spend some time on the bathroom in the middle building of our cottage and I am encouraged to finish it soon.  I have several people rooting for me so that bathroom can be considered finished and fully operational.  This project has been dragging on for several years and I am ashamed of how long it has taken.  My lethargy of the past few months has not helped this cause at all.

On a more positive note, Kaia has been using this summer to perfect her swimming skills and filling the hot summer days with hours in the water.  She is a bit of a fish and is learning very quickly as she swims regularly with her Father and Mother. Brehn was a competitive swimmer in his youth so he is a great example for Kaia.  Little Logan is also proving that he likes the water and spends some quality time with his folks in the water.

A few days have crept by (July 16) and I have just returned from having by bottle removed.  That signals a last step in the Chemo process.  Now I need to drink water and rest and get the bad chemicals out of my body.  It is nice to return to the clinic for the bottle removal as during the pandemic I was forced to use the external nursing service of CCAC.  That meant that I had to be a home in Ottawa for those appointments.  Personally, I like going to the clinic as it leaves the busy road warrior nurses available for folks who need homecare much more than I do.  They are so helpful and well equipped for any issue of health that needs extra assistance.  They are front line workers for sure.

My trip to the city today only required one stop so I returned to the cottage early enough to have a light breakfast before I took some time to rest.  My sleeping habits when on Chemo are not particularly good so I end up being lethargic and uninspired for a few days after removal.  Tomorrow I start my 5-day needle process to encourage development of my WBC.  This time around my WBC count was fairly good.  I am looking into Dr. Auer’s research on improving compromised immune systems for Cancer patients.  The immediate intent is to have a research trial to see if this can be used to improve the immune system, with drugs, quickly enough to be used to protect patients from COVID-19.  I am going to see if I might be a candidate for such a trial. 

Today is cloudy rainy type day and I must admit I am not used to that as we have had some beautiful, although quite hot, weather here at the lake this summer.  That helped us to get all our client’s boats out to their rightful owners as requested and we are finished for the season.  We need to re-assess our business arrangements with our clients, but we expect to continue with this service next fall.  It is a fun venture and I do believe it helps people on the lake.

Not much else that is newsworthy as we seem to be trekking along from one Ground Hog day to the next.  I am looking favourably at our Phase 3 opening in Ontario.  This allows folks to gather up to a group of ten and allows restaurants and businesses to open with strict guidelines for social distancing and sanitary operations.  People need social interaction, so this starts the process.  We will soon learn if Ontario folks can do this safely.  Obviously, some areas of North America have failed miserably when they lifted such barriers.

Thank you for dropping in and if you have any comments or questions feel free to drop me an email and I will try to respond directly.

Be well and safe ……

Round 5 Sessions 1,2 and 3

Good day and thank you for dropping in.  This entry to my blog is long over due and that has been my habit over the last year or so.  I seem to low on motivation these days and I only want to tackle smaller(read short) tasks.  Writing in this blog is a good relief for me and I am surprised that I do not make shorter entries more often.  I will work towards that.


I was laying in bed the other morning trying to piece together all that has happened to me over the last 5 plus years with regard to my Cancer challenge.  I think I got most of it right but I am going to run through it here as it is a good project for me to have this in a succinct order.  Here goes:

Date	Activity
Oct. 24, 2014	Routine Colonoscopy
Nov. 15, 2014	Diagnosed with Stage 1 Colorectal Cancer
Jan. 15, 2015	Assigned a Onologist or Record – Dr Auer for further testing
Feb. 12, 2015	Met Dr Auer after completion of several further test – Conclusion that I had Stage 4 colorectal Cancer and Cancer in my Liver
Mar. 17, 2015	Started Round 1 of Chemotherapy at TOH with 2-week cycle 6 sessions through to June 10, 2015
Aug. 28, 2015	Colorectal surgery and Liver surgery in one session (14 hours) with a stay in TOH for 17 days.  End result was loss of 20 lbs, some spare parts and the addition of an Ileostomy bag.
Sept. 15, 2015	Recovery period in the Condo in Ottawa until Sept 30
Oct.8, 2015	Started Round 2 of Chemotherapy at TOH with 2-week cycle 6 sessions through to Dec. 22.
Jan. 2016	Period of rest and recuperation. Which ended in Sept.
Sept. 20, 2016	Reversal of Ileostomy in TOH by Dr Auer. CT Scan identified some tumours in my Lungs.
Nov. 26, 2016	Started Round 3 of Chemotherapy at OCH with 2-week cycle which changed to a 3-week cycle half-way through the 14 sessions ending on Aug. 15, 2017.
Sep. 5, 2017	Dr Jonker visit resulted a reprieve from Chemo which required 3 monthly CT scans to follow the progress of tumours.  This reprieve ended Nov. 27, 2018.
Nov.27, 2018	Started Round 4 of Chemotherapy at OCH with 3-week cycle for 18 sessions ending Jan. 17, 2020.
Jan. 19, 2020	Break from Chemotherapy for as many months as the CT results are positive.
Apr. 21, 2020	Started Round 5 of Chemotherapy at OCH with 3-week cycle for several sessions with a 3- month check through CT Scan.

Updated June 3, 2020

Whew, that was more work than I ever imagined.  Fortunately, I had my Blog entries to help me as working through my appointment paperwork would have been a nightmare.  Now that I think of it almost all the seemingly simple tasks take longer than any estimate I would apply to the task.  I am happy I no longer estimate task for large projects!


The upshot of recent activity is that as of April 21 I am back on Chemotherapy and I have now had 3 sessions as of Tuesday June 2.  My mental state is spiraling slowly as the recent lockdowns and the return to Chemotherapy has not helped me.  I find myself less motivated, inspired, enthused about anything and disappointed that I am of less assistance to Freddi as she fights an ACL issue.  She is also a strong person and trying to do things for herself.  She even does things that I could help her with if she asked for help.  However, we are having lots of fun regardless of all the things that we are experiencing.


My experiences at the hospital have been very positive as the hospital has implemented new protocols around Covid and they seem to work well and provide the protection required for front line and essential workers.  They are wearing masks and shields when they are in contact with patients.  Patients are also required to wear masks in the hospital to protect the nurses, Drs and aides.my sessions take the same amount of time and my relationships with the nurse teams is strong.  After all I have been going there since Nov 2016 (thank you to the grid above).  My next session is June 23, 2020.


In other news, Bruce and I have been busying ourselves for the last 3 weeks by getting boats out to our clients as and when they ask for them.  With the opening of the borders of Quebec recently we have had more demands for boats, but we have managed to stay on top of them as we go along.  We have just endured a week + of ravenous black flies and we were forced to wear bug shirts during the heat spell we had just last week.  Hopefully the black flies will be gone by the weekend as there are rumours that the dragon flies have arrived at the lake.

During the lockout period we have maintained contact and had several visits with Tara-Lee and family.  We have watched further development of Kaia as she demonstrates a love for drawing, painting, and playing make-believe with princesses.  Logan for his part, has been growing like a weed as he is being fed by Tara-Lee.  She is tired as he is pretty demanding, and she is adjusting to having 2 kids in her life.  For Brehn’s part, he has been home quite a bit to help and to care for the kids alongside Tara-Lee but he has been doing some work with WestJet as well as taking courses to increase his offering to current and future employers.  They are a busy family with lots of laughs and love being shared around.


I am going to stop here as there is not too much more to say.  I will drop in with a shorter window and hopefully I can be more inspiring than this note has been.


Thank you for taking the time to read this and should any questions pop up, please feel free to contact me directly through my email.


Be well, be safe and try to laugh often.  It all helps.

Reporting from within Part 2

Good day to you. Thank you for taking the time to drop into my Blog area for a few minutes. I appreciate that you are interested in what we are doing and that you find my ramblings entertaining enough to return. I find it more difficult to get to the tasks these days as, for some reason, I do not have the drive that I once had. I was eager to get the day’s list of things to do and spent pretty much all day doing small or large jobs to get them off the “ToDo” List. None-the-less today I decided I would sit down and update you on some things that I have been thinking about.


As with everyone else in the world, I have opinions and new findings due to the Covid-19 trials we find ourselves. Unlike some others, I will not use my blog to expound on this subject as there is far too much information and dis-information in social media these days to satisfy anyone’s desire for insights. I will restrict my input today to matters of health and happiness in the Rodier compound.


In my last update I mentioned that I had an appointment to see (or in this case talk to over the phone) my Dr. to get my results from my CT Scan of March 27. The appt was intended to be an update on my results of my scan and then to set the stage for the next period without Chemo. The call came at the scheduled time and we chatted about current affairs for a couple of minutes. His reality is quite different being a front-line worker with many of his patients being prime targets for the current virus that is plaguing those who are operating with compromised immune systems. But he seems to be adapting well to the changes and he seemed well based on our conversation. I have had a unique relationship with Dr Jonker over the years and I always ask him about how he is doing before he gets a chance to ask me that question. He did get his turn and he asked me how I was doing to which I responded that I was doing very well and appreciating the time away from Chemo. I explained how all systems seem to have regulated again and my lifestyle and wellness were on track. He was happy to hear that but had to get to the results of the test before he commented on my enthusiastic response.

He explained to me that my results were worrisome and then he went through the points one by one. 

My lungs were not of concern or were “unremarkable” in the language of the technician. The liver masses were the concern area of this CT Scan. There were substantial growth indicators in the tests and in some cases up to 60% growth from my last scan. He mumbled through the statistics which I listened to but did not retain as I knew where we were heading. He asked me what I thought when he was finished talking numbers and technical talk.  I paused for a minute and then said that I was unhappy to get a result like that. In addition, I told him that I knew that we were heading back to the Cancer Centre to re-start Chemo. But to satisfy my curiosity, I asked him what he thought would be the situation if we waited 3 months before we returned to Chemo. His estimation was that there was a 25% chance that I would be having some difficulties with liver and bile duct functions if I delayed Chemo for another 6 months. That told me that the issue was important but not critical at this time. We chatted some more, and his words once again indicated that decision either way was a decision about “lifestyle vs survival”. Hmmm we have been here before. When put in those terms I usually feel confident enough to pick lifestyle and move on as before. However, this time I decided to re-start Chemo treatments. We talked about schedules and I am now scheduled to return to QCH for treatment on April 21 and every three weeks thereafter. We finished our call and I started to think about where we were heading. I was unhappy as I have been enjoying the freedom to eat and drink what I want when I want. I have also been enjoying the good solid sleep I have been having over the last few weeks. Most of all I have been enjoying the freedom and ability to do whatever I felt like doing as I have few limitations due to my physical state. That freedom was an uplift for my mental state, and I have been quite happy with all things in general. I was not feeling the same way after my call with Dr Jonker. Within 24 hours of the call my body demonstrated its response to the situation as my bowel took on a life of its own like the reaction I have with Chemo. I found that weird and annoying, and within 24 hours the reaction went away. I found this physical reaction to be a simple psychosomatic reaction and happily it was over before it became too serious. Today I am resigned to the Chemo schedule and will see where it takes me. I am hoping that I will be able to minimize the side-effects of the Chemo and hope that the internal effects of the Chemo show some improvement in late June when I have my next CT Scan.


In the real world, we are experiencing a slow spring transition. The lake is trying to “ice out” but the cooler temperatures at night seem to be winning as the ice is thinning but certainly not giving way to open water. I am Ok with that as I need to float my assembled floating docks in front of my shore dock frame which is made of aluminum and is currently touching the water due to the increase in water height this spring. The force of the ice from the windward area will likely cause some damage and I do not need that type of stress right now. With the floaters protecting the aluminum I may be able to protect its integrity. However, each day we are faced with high westerly winds. These winds compound the difficulty of doing what I need to do with the floaters, and I am hoping that I will be able to find a window to get this done before the ice disappears.  There is lots of movement of the ice mass on the last days of being in the lake. It is that brief period that causes damage as the ice mass is very heavy and “convincing” when it decides to move things. Aluminum does not do well against the ice.


We have been doing well in isolation as we have supplies, food ideas, BBQ gas, and lots of things to do to keep us busy.  However, I find that we spend quite some time reading, watching movies, and sleeping. This is very much like a vacation but at home.


I do hope you and yours are well and happy and that we will soon find some relief of the current situation.

Be well ….. and thank you for dropping in.

Good day from the Bunker …. April 4, 2020

This blog has been dormant since Jan 27, 2020 when I last updated you on my time without treatment and what I had been thinking at that time.  From then to now we have all seen a significant change in our lives as we are amid The Pandemic of 2020 – Covid-19.  I do not intend to use this blog to hypothesize on the processes, the outcomes or the impacts of this on our lives.  You are all aware of what it is doing to our lives and there are scores of reliable sources of prognostications.  As a result I will just report on life as we know it from here.  Having said that, some of the things I will report here will be influenced or caused by the pandemic so there is no getting away from it.  I will resist the temptation to editorialize as I go forward here.


To be blunt, I am well and happy that I have now been three months off Chemo.  The only real change is that I feel better and am less concerned about my body and my mind.  I am staying physically active and my job continues to be a priority in my life.  My bodily functions seem to be working as they should and I have fewer “isolated situations” which cause bodily functions to operate abnormally under normal conditions.  In short form – my bowel is operating as it should.  I am pleased with how well I feel and I am becoming a master of good nights sleep.  I find myself going to bed at 9:30 because I am tired and getting up the next morning at 8:30 am.  During that time I might have a few short periods of awareness but mostly the time is spent in sleep states.  This is very unusual for me and I am just enjoying it.


On April 8^th I will be having a discussion with my Dr to get the results of my March 27^th CT Scan.  In the interim I will get some blood tests so the Dr can see how my results compare to the time when I was on Chemo.


Our vacation in Hawaii ended on Feb 1 and Freddi and I returned to Ottawa as planned.  We picked up our normal routines where Freddi left for work at 5:30 am and my shifts were a couple a week at some ungodly hour in the morning at the airport.  I usually worked Thursday and Saturday and I picked up some other shifts from time to time to help others who had other things to do.  All was going well and the routine was working well.  In February, Freddi was notified that she was going to retire from Sporting Life.  Through discussions Freddi agreed that would happen on March 6^th.  That gave her time to do the proper amount of training of others and leaving her position clear of backlog issues.  So that happened as planned and Freddi started a significant change from her 23-year employment period in the sporting goods retail industry to staying at home with me.  Yikes what a change for sure!  What was she to do with her time?  To distract her I had arranged a “Day at the Spa” at the Nordique Spa.  So we spent most on her first Monday relaxing, sweating, dipping and eating while relaxing at the Spa.  This was a first for me and I found it to be a little cult-like with everybody walking around in house coats and whispering to each other.  However, I relaxed and enjoyed the time there with Freddi. She slept well that night, as did I. 


It did not last long until she had a whole new agenda to work with.  On March 10^th in the mid-morning timeframe, Tara-Lee let us know that she was in labour and was on her way to hospital to have her second child.  We had been invited to participate in the birth as we had when Kaia was born.  We arrived at the hospital about 1:30 pm and she was in full labour.  It has started around 12:30. She was a trooper and gave a clinic on childbirth to all who were around.  By 3:09 she had a beautiful little boy and he was on her chest for the first time shortly thereafter.  All were well and happy and Brehn stayed with her most of the first night while she was in hospital.  He had done something to his back and was in full agony, but he pulled his weight through the birth and the support period after the birth.  Somewhere during the late afternoon, baby boy became Logan Makai as he settled in with his new Mum and Dad. Freddi and I returned to the house in the late afternoon to take care of Kaia overnight but Kaia wanted to stay with Anna for a sleep-over that night.  Kaia had been with friends while TL was in labour so Freddi and I spent the evening at TL’s place by ourselves.   We had transported the animals to the house as we knew we would be staying for a while to help where we could.  It was a busy second day of retirement for Freddi.  


On Wednesday Freddi and I went to pick up Kaia and take her to the hospital to meet her little Brother.  It was fun to watch interact with Logan and Mum and Dad.  They returned to their home late that afternoon and we helped with dinner and such duties to try to make the house somewhat normal in operation.  We managed to do that for 7 days and enjoying all of the time we spent there.


Then came Covid-19!  This interjected several issues in our lives as it did for all Canadians.  I stopped going to work on March 19^th as my compromised immune system was an issue with work at the airport.  This was welcomed by the airline as they were trying to find ways to deal with the impact of the pandemic on airline operations. Eventually they decided to reduce operations which resulted in a reduction of aircraft, schedules and people.  They offered several options to employees for voluntary departures from the company and 90 % of the required reduction of employee level was fulfilled by those voluntary departures.  As a result, on April 1 I was laid-off for 3 months or until operations picked up again.  The LOA may extend to 6 months.  I was quite happy as I still have an employee number with hope to return to my job once life starts to re-establish a new norm.


Freddi and I are currently home at Lake Bernard doing our duty as a self-isolation family.  Her retirement and WestJet’s determinations have thrown us together in our small house for the foreseeable future.  I wonder what that will look like after a few weeks.  We are two weeks in and we are both still breathing.  That is encouraging.


On a more serious note, I am hoping that you and yours are all safe and practicing good isolation habits and learning new things about yourselves, your families and new skills in technology (like zoom) to keep abreast of all your favourite families through technology.  Please feel free to communicate with me directly if you feel you have questions that I can answer.

Be well and safe ......

Some thoughts .....

Kauai sunset Jan 2020

This blog entry is intended to follow-up my last blog where I made mention of my interest in updating you on my “health, emotional ability and my improved mental state as I am looking forward to improvements in all areas”.  


I have been somewhat confused and tired of my current view of my health as it seems that my disease is being kept at bay by taking Chemo treatments that make me feel sick and loss of confidence in my body or mind.  The treatment, at this point, is far worse than the effects of the disease.  I stress “at this point” as my 13 months of treatment since my last “break” from Chemo has shown no discernable growth in my Cancer in my liver and my lungs.  Also, of note, is the fact that there has been little discernable shrinkage over the same period.  And that, in a nutshell, is the conundrum of dealing with this Cancer for me.  


Knowing that the treatment is keeping the Cancer at the same size is comforting as its growth is problematic. But also, being aware of the three-week treatment cycle that takes away 7 to 10 days of a desired quality of life is not a balanced view of a lifestyle.  Basically, it leaves me with half of my life feeling sick (nausea), tired, listless, experiencing bowel issues, lost confidence and a few miscellaneous side effects that seem to rotate through a cycle.


With all of that going on, I am still trying to maintain a lifestyle that is anticipated as being normal to me.  That is a challenge as I am holding down a job I like and wish to do well.  On some days it is hard to maintain a positive view of the world and get my job done well.  Those days are mostly in the week following the commencement of Chemo treatment.  However, there are odd days when some of the effects of Chemo show up forcing me to mask my real self to maintain my charade of an old guy in good form.


I use the term “charade” as at my work there are only a couple of people who know about my Cancer.  They are close and will not share that information with others in casual conversation.  At the job I am the old guy in good form, and I like that status.  I do not wish to share my real situation with everyone, and I consider the airport a bubble where my Cancer does not control my life or is part of the discussion.  As a result, there are days that I am sick, but I am forced to put that aside and maintain my charade.  That is very difficult some days but necessary for me.


I have also been through a period of reflection about my mental and emotional state.  There are days when my family must question my true feelings as I disappear into my own cocoon and fail to communicate effectively with them or others about my health.  I believe that is a defense mechanism for me as I do not want to continuously discuss or expose my feelings or thoughts about where we are and where we are heading.  I lay blame on the Chemo treatments for this behavior, but I know that I must talk about these things with my family when I feel confident enough in my true feelings to do so. This is a source of some stress for me as I do not want anyone in my family to feel uninformed or left out when I am not communicating well or am busy trying to figure out what I am feeling.


The question now is “so what is next?” as I start my new break from Chemo treatments. It is my hope and desire to feel stronger, healthier and maintain a positive view of life and the future.  Sitting in Hawaii, as I am now, is a good place to figure these things out.  This environment is like home to me as we have been coming to the same Marriott Vacation Resort over the last 22 years.  It is a shelter from the everyday distractions and obligations and a place where one can think clearly.  Additionally, today is day 20 since I have had a Chemo treatment and my body has settled down and the effects of my last Chemo are pretty much behind me.  With that in mind I find myself feeling healthier and more positive about my future.  I believe that I can still handle my obligations more readily and make time to relax and enjoy some of the things that make me happy.  I still feel I am being somewhat recluse in my lifestyle and intend on getting out and seeing people in a social environment more often.  That has not been the case over the last year and a bit and I miss that interaction.  


 Going forward I will be more positive, less protective and more outgoing and communicative as I continue through this “break” period.  I believe it will be a better state and one where I can cope more effectively.  Let me know if that is not the case.  <grin>

Rodier Family Kauai Jan 2020

Be well and feel free to contact me should you have any questions or thoughts about any of these entries.  Love to all.

Round 4 Session 18 (Jan 7) and Part 2

Note:  this entry was created on Jan 21 but got lost in draft form until today (Jan 27) as I wanted to include a picture in the entry.  Picture added today and …. away we go.

Wow, this blog is well behind the times and I am to blame as I have not made the time to address this in a timely fashion.  We have been very busy, as usual, since Christmas and we now find ourselves enjoying a nice respite in Kauai with the family.  But before I write about that I would like to update you on some significant activities that have shaped our days and in some cases our future.  The part 2 above is an attempt to continue where I left off just before Christmas.  The most significant thing I missed was my work at WestJet.

I had mentioned that I had some Gate Training in mid December and that did happen.  It was 4 intense and long days of bridging aircraft, preparing for Gate Controller activities, preparing for “Expo” duties (assisting the gate controller), deplaning procedure and of course boarding procedures.  All or any of those activities could show up on my daily roster of activities when I show up for work at the airport.  It was a pretty intense period as our instructor wanted us to feel the pressure associated with getting “on time” departures of our aircraft.  I soon learned that the most important part of being a Gate Controller was the “symphony” of activities that had to work, in a specific order, to make “on time” departure possible.  It involves our team members, crew on board, our gate apron folks who control the grounds around the aircraft, removal and loading of luggage, fueling etc., the airport authority and of course our guests.  When all is properly directed and controlled the symphony works well but with so many players there is plenty of room for error and thus making it impossible to get out “on time”.  I enjoyed the challenge and over time have become more familiar and relaxed about these processes.  The significant thing is that adding these activities to my job list makes for a more diverse and interesting day at work.  The training was on Dec 10 through 13 and these activities are now part of my job.  I am happy in this role at the airport.

Our Christmas this year was a bit different.  Since neither Gray (and family) or Tara-Lee (and family) were available as they were out west for the Christmas period, both Freddi and I decided to work through Christmas and enjoy our family Christmas on Dec 29^th when Tara-Lee and family were available to spend the day.  That happened as planned and we had a fun family day sitting about in PJs for the day and enjoyed a nice family dinner complete with turkey.  Naturally, we ate too much but thoroughly enjoyed the day or relaxation, gifts and lots of chatter.  Christmas is not a day but a celebration with family about the house.

Once again, we enjoyed bringing in the new year with some lake family and friends.  We had a nice evening dinner, some champagne and we brought in 2020 at midnight with the usual television production from Times Square and other places in Canada.  This group is quite diverse, so we have pretty funny conversations.  We did remember past participants in this annual event and wished everyone every success in the new year.

On the medical front, I had a CT Scan on Dec 28 and a Dr visit on January 8^th.  The scan was very routine and this time I did not have to ingest the foul-tasting liquid over two a 2 hour period so I was out of the hospital in just one hour.  I did have Chemo treatment Round 4 Session number 18 on January 7^th.

The actual session was uneventful and went according to plan.  I did have the usual side effects and spent the better part of 7 days figuring out what would be next and steeling myself for those effects and changes.  I wanted to be well by Jan 17^th as that was the date of departure for a vacation in Kauai.  On Jan 8^th I met Dr. Jonker and we reviewed the results of the CT Scan.  Basically, nothing had changed and the report contained many references to “unremarkable” observations.  That was very good news as I intended to ask the Dr if I could take a break from Chemo as I am tiring of the process, effects and continuous search for a balanced day without any side effects.  He was not surprised or resistant to my request as he understands how long term exposure to Chemo has physical, emotional and mental effects on patients.  I have had my share of those effects and am happy to report that my next activity is in mid March when I have a CT Scan followed by an update with the Dr in April.  In the interim, no Chemo and a chance to make myself feel better in many ways.  This is a great opportunity for me as I was feeling a bit lost and that things were no longer in my control.  I will continue to be “with Cancer” but not a captive of Cancer treatment effects. I am happy about that status change.

Some of you may be aware of another event that entered my life in very early January.  It was a bad day when I fell asleep driving home from an early morning shift.  Yes, it finally happened, and the accident has resulted in the loss of my favourite car due to its encounter with a telephone pole and my carelessness.  I managed to do all of this on an empty road and therefore no one else was involved.  I was fortunate enough to come out of this unscathed other than my confidence being a little shattered due to my fatigue and ability to sleep well at normal times.  The police and responders were very kind and caring and somewhat amazed that I was not hurt at all.  The insurance company took my car away and declared it a “write-off”.  They provided me with a rental while we sorted out the details.  On January 12^th I flew to Toronto to see a prospect car as it was the same model and year of the car I had just lost.  On the 13^th I test drove and purchased the auto.  I stayed in Mississauga for the night to see my sister Lucy and then drove back to Ottawa in my new wheels on Tuesday morning.  The new car is identical to the last one but only 80k km fewer in mileage.  My next step is to re-evaluate some of the things that put me in such a position and attempt to rectify them.  That might mean moving to afternoon shifts at the airport instead of early morning shifts which interrupt normal sleep patterns. Stay tuned.

On Jan 17^th we departed YOW for LIH in HI in a small group of 5 as we were on our way for our planned visit to Lihue for the family for the week of 18^th through 25^th.  Tara-Lee and family flew with us and we met Gray and family in YVR.  We flew together on the last leg to Hawaii.  We arrived late in the evening and settled into our accommodation for the first night.  It was very nice waking up in Kauai the next morning.  Skylar (8) and Kaia (3) have been having a lot of fun together and the adults have been having meals together in the large accommodation we have rented in the Marriott Lagoons.  It has been very fun, and we are starting day 4 here at the Marriott and then going to a Lu’au this evening.  

2020 Rodier Family Olympics … amusing ourselves as they prepared our accommodation at The Lagoons Kauai

 I am going to stop here, and I will come back in a short period to update you on things about my health, emotional ability and my improved mental state.  I am looking forward to improvements in all areas.

Be well and thank you for dropping in.  Feel free to contact me should you have any questions.