I seem to have lost my way. This is probably most apparent by the fact that I have not addressed this blog since Aug 2. That is 15 weeks and not an entry into this blog. I am trying to understand why that would be as this blog provides me with a platform to stay current, organize my thinking, vet some thoughts, report to interested folks about my medical situation, speak of the good things that have happened and to bitch about some of the craziness in the world, North America, America, Canada, Ontario and of course Ottawa. Most of those subjects reflect differing political beliefs and understanding and these allow me to comment or not on the news of the world. Yet I have gone 15 weeks without a drop of input. I must say there were several times I noted to myself that I should update the blog but that never happened. I need to understand my reticence to address the blog.
During this
period, I have noticed a distinct decline in my attitude, interests, and energy.
I wake each day and start my day with
the usual routine getting ready to face the day by taking a hot shower, shaving
(from time to time), taking my assorted handful of drugs that hopefully keep me
in balance for the day, dress, grab my book and head downstairs. That routine has not been interrupted or
changed at all. My next steps involve
clearing any kitchen items that are not put away, emptying the dish washer,
walking the dog, and preparing a hot chocolate to accompany my short time to
read in the morning. So far so good, but
this is where my day starts to blur into a mass of short term “ToDos” and
spending time on social media to try to keep in touch with people I am no
longer allowed to see, hug, smile and chat with. Although there are important and fun projects
sitting there waiting to be started and completed, I am not interested in
addressing them. This is a change in
me. I normally have purpose and tend to
address the important projects first and then address the fun one. At this moment, although there are “important”
things to do I am just not interested and therefore these projects get put on
the back burner until they become critical.
For example, each fall season gives us several winterizing tasks that
must get done. Disconnect the water in
areas of the cottage that are not used in winter, disengage the sewage system
from the lower cottage, move furniture to covered areas for the winter, put
away the kayaks and paddle boards, winterize the pontoon boat and store it, winterize
and store the tin boat, pull the docks and set them up for winter freeze up, rake
tons of leaves, clean flower beds, arrange for firewood for the winter, service
the snow blower for its duty during the winter, arrange for snow tires for the cars
and the list goes on. As of today, most
of those things have been done and normally I can attest to their completion as
I participated in most of those tasks.
Not so this year. Freddi and the
kids have done many of those tasks quietly and efficiently. I did some of the tasks but lacked my usual
verve and enjoyment of getting these things done. The docks are still in place and we have had
our first snow. There is no ice in the lake
yet so there still is time to get that task completed. I can no longer blame my work schedule for
not getting to these tasks as I have been on Voluntary Layoff with WestJet
since March. My participation in our
boat business was not affected as I am aware of the time constraints to get
this complete and I managed to get out there and get the job done with
Bruce. Our consulting business also
requires time and I have managed to stay on top of the activities required to
keep the business moving. But my
personal life activities have taken the hit at this time. I am trying to understand what is going on
and my conclusion is that a big part of my life has been the energy, excitement
and rewards of interacting with people in business, personal interactions,
friendly exchanges and just plain sharing and caring about my friends, colleagues
and associates. That part of my life has
been missing since our initial lockdown around COVID. I know I am not alone but the gas for my
spirit has been cut off. Knowing this is
certainly the first step to fixing the problem but I still lack the energy to
be positive and directed as I was some 8 months ago. So, the summary is that I am not doing well
coping with the loss of my wonderfully full network of good people and I have
not found a solution to the problem at hand.
I certainly think about it often and deeply but to no resolve at this
point. This is a work in progress but
you may read some thoughts that are not as positive as I have been or not as
sensitive as they once were as I am in “that” place and I know I must get out
of there.
Now that I
have that off my chest, I can focus on some of the things that might be of
interest to you. I appreciate the fact
that you take the time to read some of this blog and therefore I feel obliged
to give you some news, thoughts and perhaps inspiration.
As noted
above, I have had several Chemo sessions since I last wrote here. Session 6 went ahead on August 2 as planned
right after my last blog entry. The most
significant thing about that session was saying goodbye to one of my Cancer
Treatment Centre nurses as she set out on an adventure in Italy for 2
years. Her husband is in the military
and he was posted for early spring in Naples Italy. Due to COVID their departure was delayed from
April to August. They did get cleared to
leave and the last time I saw her was during session 6. We have worked together several time over the
years and I will miss her energy, caring spirit, and efficiency in her
work. Otherwise the session went as
planned. Each session comes with one
week of inconsistent physical and mental wellbeing. The chemo brings along some side effects that
are undesirable and quite depressing as one takes several days to ride out the
effects. Fatigue, sleeplessness, cramps,
diarrhea, constipation, lack of appetite or interest in food, head aches and
bouts of discomfort due to my neuropathy from previous Chemo sessions. These taper away on the second week and the
third week is my period of feeling my best during the 3-week cycle. None of this is new to those who have read my
blog entries of the past. I reiterate
them only to update you of how my sessions play out. Sessions 7 through 11 fell into the 3-week
cycle and took place on Aug 25, Sept 15, Oct 6, Oct 27 and most recently Nov
17. Each one of the sessions enjoyed its
own activities at the Cancer Centre, disruptions causing physical reactions and
eventually ended with a week where I was feeling strong and not impacted by the
Chemotherapy. I did have a telephone meeting
with Dr Jonker to catch up with my results of my CT Scan of Sept 30th. That scan produced no new information as the results
showed no growth of the lesions and no movement to other organs. In other words – status quo.
Also,
during this period, we helped a number of cottagers by taking their boats, winterizing
them, shrink wrapping and storing of their boats for the winter. Bruce and I worked hard for 6 weeks from mid Sept
through Oct. By Nov 1 we were finished
with the boats and we completed some planning and organizing for the
spring. The fall season went as planned
in this area. We completed 32 boats as
we brought on some new clients for this season.
Other than
that activity, we were mostly in isolation at Lake Bernard. Our routines were pretty simple as we could
not really visit with friends and visiting cottagers due to COVID. However, we
spent most of the summer in the company of Tara-Lee and Brehn and their kids. They were in our bubble from the beginning and
we were careful when Brehn had to go to work.
That summer was a fun time as we had many outdoor activities and the
kids played like kids do. The only issue
was explaining social distancing to kids over and over as they were seeking
friendship and companionship with their friends. It was sometimes difficult and certainly
weird for the little ones to understand the whole situation.
Freddi was
approached by an organization to help by liaising with their Marketing and Sales
groups and linking in with their clients.
Nautical Lands Group hold a
number of properties that are developed for apartment living of +55 folks in building
clusters that have a number of common support facilities (gym, bar, restaurant,
hair salon, etc) and they are currently located around south and central Ontario. This is a full-time commitment in an office, and
she is enjoying the challenge of learning new business objectives, non-retail
work, new software tools, and learning about the wants and needs of +55 cohort. Her
retirement lasted a good 7 months but she seems to be much happier doing
constructive work. I understand that.
Now I am
going to take my leave as I have much to think about. I also have meal planning and the usual
cooking chores that come up every day.
Some days I am inspired and try new things but on others I fall into the
usual rut and produce edible but less interesting dinners.
Thank you
for dropping in and please eel free to contact me should you have any questions
or thoughts about this content.
Be well and
stay safe ……..
