Round 3 Session 5 - completed

Today is Monday and a full 6 days since I re-started my Chemo after my vacation.  First I feel that I would like to go back a bit and give you an idea of how little we did when we spent our last week in Hawaii.  Our good friends left us on Feb 10^th to return to Ottawa and Freddi and I spent one additional week at the Marriott in Kauai just plain relaxing.  We managed to get to the beach almost every day and also ensured that we had enough food and drink to keep us alive.  We managed to get out for dinner a couple of times and we did take in some road trips.  But I must assure you all that was done is slow motion as we tried to make every minute count on the islands.  It was a very good vacation and we are already talking about our return in early 2018.

 On Feb 21^st I went into QCH to do early bloodletting and then went to my scheduled Chemo session at 9 am.  We started normally but a couple of things slowed down the process.  I needed to have the results of the blood tests before I could start and they showed up pretty quickly and all tests were satisfactory.  However, my BP was way too high to start Chemo with my Avastin cocktail.  The nurse was kind and she gave me some time to calm down and get my BP back in line. I have always had “White Coat Syndrome” (higher than normal BP when in front of Dr or nurses or in a hospital situation) but my readings that day were way too high.  After about an hour my BP came closer to normal but not low enough to start the process.  In consultation with my DR the nurse started the process without the Avastin cocktail.  I am told that is all OK but unfortunate as the benefits of Avastin are, of course, lost.   In addition, it was recommended that I consult my GP and I received an increased dosage for my BP pills that I have been taking for a while.  Not a stellar way to start my 5^th Round.

The rest of the 3+ hours were pretty normal as I read, slept, fidgeted and tried to do some constructive work on my computer.   In the end I finished a little after noon and set out of the hospital equipped with my bottled Chemo on my hip.  I drove to visit Tara-Lee, Brehn and Kaia and had a little soup for lunch.  In the afternoon I managed to get some shopping done as we were out of fresh groceries.  Once home I rested for the balance of the afternoon and had a light dinner with Freddi.  The following day I was into the side effects that neutralize me including, but limited to, nausea, fatigue but inability to sleep, constipation, dry mouth, sniffles and a general malaise.  Day 2 proved to be tolerable but I was basically incapacitated when it came to doing anything of substance.  I tried to maintain a normal eating habit and prepared a dinner for Freddi and me which was a full meal.  I managed to get everything down but it sat heavily in my stomach.  This caused a pressure in my stomach which I had only felt during my last Chemo session.  I was happy that in the last case it only lasted for 2 days.  However, this time the pressure has been with me right up until today.  It is an odd feeling and it does not seem to subside when I have bowel movements.  It is a bit worrisome and I will definitely talk to the Dr about this change when I see him next.  Once again, Imodium is my friend and unfortunately my life revolves around bowel movements and regulation of the body with use of medicinal help.  I do not like to take drugs but I find that I have to do that to regulate the different things that are happening after Chemo.  Basically, this session has been my most trying and worrisome.  I guess I am feeling a bit vulnerable as I have not been able to get a solid night’s sleep, enjoy good food (as my stomach is upset and nausea is the norm), control the ricocheting from diarrhea to constipation, be comfortable with living with constant inattentiveness and overall not feeling cogent in my thinking.  All of this leaves me very unsettled and I am becoming less and less comfortable with the process or the side effects.  Overall this is making me feel a bit anxious about the future and the need to continue these sessions.  My next CT Scan is on the 15^th of March and hopefully this will show some changes that are positive.  I will see my Medical Oncologist after the scan but I also want to talk with Dr Auer as she is my Oncologist of record. 

I have been trying to spend some time on ensuring that I have a balanced view of my treatment and am doing what I can to address the other three “legs of the stool” other than my Medical Treatment.  I have tried to address my diet and feel pretty good about what I am doing in that area.  In addition, I was very active while on vacation as I walked almost every day and covered from 6 to 10 KM with those walks.  Physical activity is an important part of a balanced approach to this disease.   The fourth leg is all about my mental state.  I try very hard to remain positive about this whole process but that is getting harder and harder when I have weeks like last week.  I will not dwell on this aspect at this time as I am very conflicted in this area and have not synthesized my own thinking about all of this.

So I move into the “good” week starting today and I am looking forward to some of the activities I have planned for this week.  It is my hope that some of the negative things will disperse over the course of this week as I prepare for my next Chemo session on March 7^th.

As I reread this message, I feel compelled to reiterate that I use this medium to help me organize and solidify my thinking about all of the things that are happening to me.  I almost want to apologize for going on a bit this time around but I will not do that as I believe you will recognize that this a cathartic exercise and sharing it with you is part of the benefit.  Thank you for being interested enough to come back and check in on me.

Best wishes to all of you and once again I hope you are well and happy.